Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize