there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
