At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
