Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
