We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
