Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
