I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ambien. No doubt about it.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize