sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
