As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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