There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
