we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
