He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My penis needs a shock collar
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
