Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
