At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
