So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
