His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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