My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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