I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
