A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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