Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
