Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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