carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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