You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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