Plan B is the new Plan A
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
nutella sex= disaster
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
