I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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