hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
