We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
