i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
