question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
