Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
