is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
