we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
