he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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