Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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