I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
