I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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