biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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