well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
