I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
