I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize