hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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