mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
