that's an acceptable place to lick
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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