But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
