the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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