I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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