I heard we made out
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
