When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
