hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
