I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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