ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
