i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
