Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
