Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
