Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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