I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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