Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
love makes seman taste better
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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