it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
