These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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