So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
