i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
