i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
